Father,
I praise you for letting me know you as Father – with life-giving authority and power, filled with self- sacrificial love, always working out of the overflow of the wealth of your wisdom
Father, you know me well. You know my story – both the sin AND suffering that have shaped my soul. You know my struggle to believe you do love me & are always for me in Christ.
It is hard for me to take joy in parenting because I think I live under your frown, disappointment and frustration for how slow I am to believe and change. Sometimes I think I deserve better.
When I sin against my kids regret fills my heart but I don’t turn to you. I just feel shame. Other times, I dig my heels in my self-righteousness and justify my harshness & pride.
It is hard for me to enjoy parenting because all I see when I look at my kids is demands on legs. I am terrified of failing & hurting them, especially when I keep sinning in the same way. I realize just how broken I am. I have well worn paths in how I respond to triggers & temptations.
Father, I look to you. Who are you for me in Christ in my parenting? You are merciful and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love & faithfulness. When I repent, you lift up my head, because you – and not my performance -are my glory.
Thank you for killing me in Christ and with him giving me new life. I repent of walking by the flesh when you have given me the Spirit of your Son. I praise you for equipping me with his life and that well worn paths of anger and impatience became old.
You are my refuge, I trust you to grow me in all the ways I need – in your time and your way.
In the meantime, parenting is not one long opportunity to fail but one long season to see you redeeming my sin & leveraging my weaknesses for your glory and the joy of my people.
Fill me with faith so that out of my profound conviction of your abundant love, I love my kids. May I see parenting as the privilege to be served by you over and over again.
Oh Father. I see deep joy in your eyes when I look at you. THANK YOU for only giving me what Christ deserves. Your love, my only home.
In his name,
Amen
Aylín Merck 