For the mama fighting shame on Mother’s Day

Dear mama, are you fighting shame today? 

Shame…

…in knowing all the ways you’ve sinned against your kids & failed in parenting? 

…in the sting of the brokenness you feel in motherhood that seems to be affirmed by the lack of appreciation from your kids?

…in the insecurity that comes from remembering childhood hurt & wanting tangible affirmation that you are doing better than your parents?

We long for, and sometimes even demand, special gifts, lavish expressions of love that make us feel seen, and words of affirmation because they help cover guilt over real sin and sense of shame that we are not good enough.

If that is you today, if the sting of fresh tears is in your eyes, can I sit by you & take your hand? 

I know maybe you want to pull away. Shame wants us to hide and disconnect. We hide from ourselves, failing to recognize what we truly feel. We disconnect from others: we can’t tell them what we are wrestling through… and functionally, it feels God is shaming us too. So we don’t talk to him either about the shame we feel in motherhood.

So we just shove it all down. And we hope appreciation & gifts will help cover our shame, will soothe our fears, will make us feel that God is close. 

But dear fellow mama. Your Father ::is:: close. He sees you fighting off shame in all forms and he is giving you His Son. In Christ, he has covered your shame in ways that appreciation, gifts and lavish expressions from your husband and kids can never ultimately help. Christ died and rose again not only to take away any real guilt but also to deal with our shame. The shame of our sin and the shame of sin committed against us. The shame of failed expectations that we put on ourselves or that others have piled on us.

He is not covering shame in the way we cover something up but it is still there under the covers. He covers our shame by melting away all unworthiness & dishonor, giving us the worth and honor of his Son. Christ is good for us and in us. This is not wishful thinking: Christ has truly made us good and faithful (Romans 15: 14; Ephesians 1:1).

When we feel overwhelmed by our true failures or when we wonder if our family thinks we are good enough mothers, our Father comes close and soothingly reminds us that our accomplishments or failures are not the source of our honor. His Son is.

So whether or not you get that special gift you hoped for, breakfast in bed or a meal out with your family- your shame is already covered, my friend. Breathe in a little deeper. Receive your Father’s lavish generosity and delight. Feel him holding you today, and hear his voice whispering in your ear, “Well done, good and faithful one. I love you, I see you and I know.”